We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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