I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize