it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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