I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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