YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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