you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
