Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
