hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
