Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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