I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
