I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
