Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
