Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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