Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
