Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
