I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
