Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
