More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
