You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
