These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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