her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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