Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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