I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize