see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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