she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize