Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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