this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
