Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize