from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
