the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You made out with two different species that night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
