My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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