please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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