I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There's always time for handjobs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
