Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
