If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
