Jerry, you need to find god
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize