im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
