3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
