Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Randomize
