you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
