i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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