If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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