So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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