I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its about making memories worth repressing
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
