Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
