lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
