Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I stole a fireplace last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
