OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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