i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
