look no pants
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
