someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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