Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize