toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
