Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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