Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
