i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
