Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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