I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
