Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
