My cat gives me a boner
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
