I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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