The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
