I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
