his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
