If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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