i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
