youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
