yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
