I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
