Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize